Saturday, January 8, 2011

How to make hospital me...this can work!

After visiting the local ER twice in one week...I have finally figured out how to make hospital visits FUN.
1-Leave ALL children at home
----this includes husbands that think it is funny to make glove balloons.
2.-Convince the nurses to add Vodka to your drip line as an additional pain killer.
3.-Do not allow the front desk to "list you" as being a patient, so no one can call and bother you.

Doing these 3 things will make your trip like a mini vacation.....ok so having 4 boys...for me this would be a MAJOR vacation.  BUT this will only work if YOU are in the hospital.  Hell some days I am tempted to trip myself down the stairs just for a visit...LOL.

But if you are one of the (un)fortunate ones to NOT end up in the ER, but you are the caretaker (spouse) of the one that are a few tips:
1-Do not bring any kids with you (Hire a babysitter at all costs, being cooped up in a tiny room with kids will make you more likely to run across the street and play chicken with the cars).
2-Make sure your spouse is half dead. Now you laugh, but i am serious....if they are even semi conscious they will still try to make glove balloons or argue about what you have on the TV.
3-Bring something to drink/eat/snack on...because the vending machines SUCK!
4-Bring LOTS of change. 
5-Don't bring kids with you...especially on a school night.

I know the rules...but do I ever follow them? Nope, not a one. I know better....I do, but  happens....and really screws with your plans. For example, Thursday night.

Thursday night my husband (who has been really sick for 3 weeks with bronchitis and a high fever) decided that he was going to try to take a shower, and ended up blacking out on the living room floor. Granted that probably wasn't his plan, but still it messed with my plans....why you ask...because I was sleeping. This is how I was woken up:
Me: (Sleeping for 4 hours...middle of a great was around 6pm)
Orion: BANG BANG BANG...MOM..MOM....are you awake?
Me: No, I'm sleeping, what do you want?
Orion: Mom, it is an needs you.
Me: Why me? Can't you help him? Get him something to drink. Let me sleep.
Orion: No mom, it is a REAL emergency, you need to come right is real. I'm not lying.
Me: Ok, ok, give me a few minutes to get dressed and try to remember where I am at.
Orion: Well hurry up, it is important.

So I get dressed and head upstairs, where I find Orion playing on the computer. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me to look in the living room....and he went back to his shooting game.

I went in the living room and there is my husband...laying half on the ottoman and half on the floor...covered in only a towel.  Ummm okay....why is he sleeping like that.  Then I realized he wasn't moving/snoring/nothing...and he was cold.  So I start freaking out, trying to find his pulse on his neck and knocking him all the way off the ottoman onto the floor.

He woke up enough to tell me to take him to the hospital, but not to call an ambulance. So here I am, trying to get my husband dressed and out the door (which is no small feat since he is a big guy), and I realize that Orion is still playing his computer game.

Now at this time,  I could A: leave him there because he wouldn't know we were gone until Friday afternoon when he had to get up to go pee and whine about having no food in the house....or....B: Take him with and break rule #1 AND rule #5 (because it is a Thursday night).

So after him throwing a fit about having to leave, we finally got to the hospital and checked in. After an hour wait (which is a long time, considering our hospital has a very quick wait) and one PSP dying, we were finally given an ER room. At this time Orion and I are getting thirsty, because we forgot rule #3.  I find my debt card and we take a walk to find the ATM.

By the time we found an ATM and pay the extra $100 to take $20 out...and walk ALL THE WAY BACK to the vending machines...we find out that nothing takes $20. So we talk to the security guard that is able to break our $20, but only have $17 on him (which is fine, because I have been there two hours and need a Pepsi). We walk back into the vending area to find out that now the machines are telling you that they will only take EXACT change!

Sorry, with this being the age of plastic, I don't carry around $15 dollars of multiple denominations of change in my pockets. I turn to the "wheel of death" for some luck. You know the machine...the one that spins around and around with odd looking food in it. I could have sworn the day before it said Tuna Sandwich, but now a label is on it saying, Tuna and Spinach Sandwich....can't fool is the same sandwich that has been in there since Good Friday!  I'm on to you Wheel of Death Machine. They are in EVERY hospital to make the healthy get sick...I'm on to them!

Anyway, since it is the only one that will take my $5 I have Orion pick something out. Hey he is a strong boy with a healthy immune system...he will be he doesn't like Tuna! He chose some Cookie dough brownie thing, but I didn't care. It didn't have anything green or white growing on it and it gave me change for my Pepsi. I was so excited that I damn near skipped to the soda machine, entered my EXACT $1.80 change and pushed the Pepsi button....and....nothing....I pushed again....still nothing! I hit it about 3 more times, then Orion told me that the machine was saying, "OUT". All that was left was some cheap Root Beer or Orange soda...I choose Root Bear...and... I cried.

I didn't cry because my husband was in the hospital. I didn't cry because Orion was eating something covered in chocolate (I hope). I didn't cry because I was lacking sleep....I cried because after everything...I ended up paying $4.80 for a soda that had no caffeine and I didn't like! I cried because this wasn't the way things were suppose to be. This wasn't in the plans I had for today.

Then Orion said, "Hey mom...both my DS and my PSP are dead...we should have brought our Pokemon cards...then we could have battled," and he gave me a hug.  I just smiled, and wiped my tears and said "Yes Orion, that would have been fun"

5 hours later we were on our way home. We had no idea what was going on with Randy. All we knew was that he didn't have a heart attack. He didn't have a blood clot in his lungs. He didn't have anything wrong with his head (still I would like to look at that CT scan, because I KNOW there is something wrong up All we knew was that he still had bronchitis...and was on his 3rd different kind of antibiotic for it.

But now to add to the list.....To make a hospital fun....even if you can't meet the above rules...bring Pokemon least you can win at something!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Morning pancakes and toothbrush shopping....

Anyway, enough about the Packers, I have to go to Walmart and buy my 5 year old a new toothbrush.  We all have those nice...push a button and the whole toothbrush does backflips, sings songs, scrubs your teeth, and does your chores...hey..a woman can dream can't she???

Well this morning I was woken up at 6:45 AM....remember I am NOT a morning person. 4 days a week you will find me awake at 6:45 behind a desk typing....and that is because I am STILL AT WORK!  Randy (darling, darling husband) knows if anyone wakes me up before 7, there is hell to pay. So what does he do...he sends Reilly down begging me to wake up and make pancakes with him.  Ahhh how cute huh...few problems:
1-Randy makes the pancakes in the house.
2-We have no chocolate to put in the pancakes.
3-We have no eggs to make pancakes.
4-I'm not even sure we have syrup to go with the pancakes.
5-I don't eat plain pancakes.

Well I walk upstairs and the boys already know not to look at me directly, because I might turn them into stone...something about my hair...reminds them of Medusa maybe...or that evil look that I make when my eyes are still glued shut.  Either way, Randy greeted me with a "Good Morning Honey" that I swear turned me into a diabetic because it was LOADED with sugary sweetness!  Which of course I growled and gave him the look that said, "you know it is before 7am. You know how tired I am. You know I am going to kill you slowly and enjoy every second of it. Just wait until the boys are on the school bus...then watch out!".  Yeah you know that look.

Well we found the pancake mix (which wasn't too hard, since our cupboards are pretty empty right now), and realized that we didn't need eggs for them...great #3 is done.  We found some chocolate covered raisins to put in the pancakes, since Easton and Orion wouldn't eat them because....eww..they are raisins...and raisins are healthy!  Great #2 is done.  I remember I had a bottle of syrup in the cupboard, but it said LIGHT on it...I don't remember 2lbs every feeling LIGHT before.  But hey, that covered #4.

While making the pancakes Randy made sure to stay VERY far away in the livingroom because he knew I would not be awake for another 4 hours...and that was a safe distance. The boys thought they were good, except for the raisin part (which I made them eat), and the syrup part (that they say tasted funny and asked for some extra sugar on theirs...I said no). They didn't turn out bad....I had a small one, then a piece of last nights pizza :D

After pancakes they went to brush their teeth (wow, my boys do remember that sometimes), and that is when I heard the following:
Randy: Honey, can you come out here and have a talk with your YOUNGEST.
Me: (oh boy, that doesn't sound good when Randy refers to Noah as MY youngest) What happened (directed toward Randy), What did you do (directed towards Noah).
Randy: He was cleaning the toilet.
Me: (really confused, thinking what a great kid I have to be cleaning the toilet before school) Um, ok so what is the problem.
Randy: Ask him what he was using to clean the toilet?
Me: Noah want did you use? (looking at his hands and wondering what else he has touched with them).
Noah: My toothbrush.
Me: Wait, what? Did you say your toothbrush (still wondering if he knew what tooth brush was his and if he put it back with the other ones in the tooth brush holder when he was done....stomache is turning at this point).
Noah: (smiling) Yep.
Me: What tooth brush is yours?
Noah: (looking very confused)  Ummm...The blue Deigo one.
Me: (still worried where it was now)..Oh ok, thank you for cleaning the toilet, next time please don't your your toothbrush that is gross....(walking away thinking that this is the reason why I don't wake up until after 7am).

Randy explained to me later that Noah was spitting his toothpaste into the toilet (because he is still little, it is easier for him to do that), and got it on the seat.  So instead of using toilet paper, he used his toothbrush to clean it where am I going today....Walmart to get a new toothbrush....wonderful....

How much do you want to bet, by the time I leave walmart, I would have spent at LEAST $50 and still come home without the toothbrush, but with at least one Pokemon container?  Huh...any takers....nope I didn't think so...

The Packers are in the Playoffs.....

First of all....WAY TO GO PACKERS! The good thing about this, is that I am a Packer Fan. I live in Green Bay, so it is a requirement. We do allow Bear, and Viking fans in....but only a limited amount.  The cool thing about yesterdays game....Reilly got to go see it with his father and his father's brothers. This was his first game and he was so excited!  Easton went to his first game the day after Christmas and LOVED it...he is a HUGE fan. 

Both of these games were last minute, getting a phone call at 1pm for a 3pm game asking if they could go, kind of thing. Odd considering:
A-The price of the tickets are around $120 a piece...usually
B-The Packers have a waiting list for season tickets that I believe is around 80+ years. I believe Easton is #12,572 and we signed him up the day after he was born....10 years ago. And normal tickets are hard to find.
C-It is December/January in WISCONSIN...Jack Frost is NOT nipping at your nose....he brought all 253 of his family members to do some serious damage on any part of your body that isn't covered in at LEAST 8 layers.  (Granted for some reason, both of these games were very warm out.  Easton I believe the temp there was around 30, and Reilly had around 30 degrees too. Remember, we live in WISCONSIN, this time of the year we are praying we reach single the negatives...and that is warm for us!)
D-We didn't have to pay for either of them. My brother had an extra ticket to the game and took Easton.  My xhusband (Jehrad) had an extra ticket yesterday and took Reilly...YEAH for them.

The only bad thing about the Packers winning, is that next another game. That means my facebook page is going to be COVERED in every little update that Packers do...Boo: did you see that...Rodgers blinked...he must be tired...pull him now before he falls asleep out there!  Gary: hey #32 just kicked the ground...that isn't fair...he is wrecking the field, where is the penalty flag! Leah: I wonder what kind of laundry soap they use to clean their uniforms...because that guy has more grass than dirt stains....  Yeah this is the stuff that pops up...and I did change the names to protect the accused!

Now I just have to remember to unlink my cellphone and facebook on game day. Getting an annoying beep and text message every 3.29 seconds really sucks!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. ~Author Unknown

This is the time of year when we sit down and think of all the things we want to change about our lives for next year. The time when we write down our top 10 ideas that if we changed our life would be better. If I were to make a list like that, it would look something like this:

10-Have the electricty company forget I exist and stop asking me to pay them (but keep my electricity on).
9-Have my landlord convinced I bought the place and don't owe him any more money.
8-Strike a deal with AT&T that my cell phone bill should be free as long as I promise to promote them to all my friends (doesn't matter if they sign up or not).
7-Convince the cable company that giving me free cable and internet would look good for their company.
6-Have a talk with ANY car company about driving around their newest vehicle (no need to worry about gas....see #4) to make the other people so jealous, that they want to buy the same one.
5-Talking to Pepsi about changing all their labels to say that their REGULAR Pepsi is calorie free, so I won't feel so guilty drinking a 2 liter bottle every day.
4-Become sponsered by any gas station with a promise to put a sign on my vehicle that helps promote return for free unlimited gas.
3-Become a food taster, and have access to any restaurant at any time to try their new dishes.
2-Talk to Donald Trump about giving me a credit card with a $1000 a month limit for life. Enough to buy the little things I need, but not so much to make it look like I am needy!
1-Move to Hershey, PA and work for the chocolate factory. It would be a GREAT idea for them, since they wouldn't have to pay me in money, they could just pay me in Chocolate due to reasons 2-10).

But of COURSE, those won't be able to happen for at least a few more years (if I play my cards right....granted my cards are Pokemon cards...not sure if that helps speed things up or not). So instead, I made a more realistic list for the new year. Plus this list will be easier to cross off, after I lost the motivation to keep going on I know me....I remember the past years....hell, I remember the past few weeks :D

These ones will NOT be in any order, but I might just order them once I cross them off....LOL

*Walk at least 4000 steps every day the first week of January, then 5000 every day, for the second week, 6000 the third week, etc...etc...etc...until the week of Valentines day....I should be up to 10,000 steps a day, which will be the goal every day for the year. Granted this doesn't sound hard...but I can see this one being the first to fail. I do have a step counter....actually 3 of we have two Pokemon step counters that I could use....I guess the more steps you walk, the more Pokemon you collect? Not sure, but it gets Orion and Easton out running up and down the road!

*Cut back on the caffiene. Notice I say cut back, not eliminate. I don't drink coffee, but I LOVE my Pepsi. I will limit myself to 4 cans a week (one for each night I work). And I did say CANS not it too late to go back and change that?

*Work on the Wii Fit 30 minutes a day for 3 days a week. This shouldn't be too hard....but life seems to get in the way...ok, not so much life...but the other wonderful Wii games we have that don't involve sticking your foot behind your head or running after some "trainer" that you aren't allowed to catch up to.

*Paint at least one new picture a week. I get in my moods that I will paint 3 new pictures in a week, then not touch a brush for 3 months.  I would like to start building up my paintings, so that by Christmas next year I don't have to rush and try to get them done. Also it would give me a chance to do more "made to order" pictures.

*Do ONE load of laundry a day. With a family of 6, we need to do it at LEAST that much, but we have a LOT of "back" laundry to get caught up on. Notice how I didn't say fold and put away the laundry...just wash and dry at our house. Then in goes into a large pile on the "folding table", where the boys sort through it and put away their own clothes....half of which end up on the floor and being rewashed without ever being worn.  Ok not half....maybe 80%.

*Read for 30 minutes EVERY day. I would love to just sit back and read a book...problem is, when I start a new book, I will read it until it is done....sometimes I will go to sleep, sometimes not...I loose track of time and forget all about everything else I need to do.

This last one....I hope I am able to stick with. Even if I fail for a few days/weeks, I am hopeful that I can get back on track:
*Sit down with each boy for at least 10 minutes a day to talk or do what they want. I know that doesn't sound like a lot. I would love to sit down for an hour with each kid EVERY day, but that isn't possible. Some days I know will be longer, some days will be shorter. But I want to be able to remind all 4 of them that I love them, and I will always be there for them, and if they want to spend more quality time they know I will be downstairs doing laundry. If they want to talk, they can help me fold :D!  HEY, now I know where I can get my 30 minutes of reading time in...they will never bother me in the basement if they think I am doing laundry! Score one for the mom!

Now to get started on the walking....where is that Pokemon walker...wonder if i can walk and try to battle at the same time...